“Relapse is never an accident. Relapse is a sign that we have a reservation in our program.“
This powerful quote from Narcotics Anonymous serves as a reminder that relapse doesn’t happen randomly—it is a result of holding onto a hidden escape route, a lingering thought that, under the right circumstances, we might use again. In recovery, having reservations means we are not fully committed to our sobriety; we are leaving the door slightly open for the possibility of returning to our addiction. Today, I choose to shut that door completely.
Committing to my recovery is no different than committing to a career path. If I constantly question whether I am on the right track, if I keep considering alternatives instead of fully immersing myself in the process, I will never truly succeed. The same applies to sobriety. If I allow myself to think, “Well, if life gets too stressful, maybe I can use just once,” or “If I feel lonely enough, maybe I’ll allow myself a slip,” then I am setting myself up for failure. Any thought that keeps me from going all in is a reservation, and that reservation can one day lead to relapse.
Today, I am committed to my sobriety, and I won’t let anything endanger the joyful state I have worked so hard to achieve. I am also committing to a new path that I have been planning for so long—a path of purpose, fulfillment, and discipline. There can be no hesitations, no lingering doubts about whether I will “make it” or whether I have a backup plan in case things don’t go smoothly. The moment I give myself permission to waver, I am allowing space for uncertainty, and uncertainty breeds relapse.
The key to overcoming reservations is surrendering completely to my Higher Power. I cannot control everything in life—unexpected challenges will come, hardships will test my patience, and painful moments may shake my resolve. However, I determine today that relapse is not an option, no matter what happens. I do not need to know what the future holds; I only need to trust that, by committing fully to my recovery and to my faith, I will be taken care of.
More than anything, I choose sobriety because I refuse to make my family suffer again. I have seen the damage my addiction has caused—the pain in their eyes, the exhaustion in their voices, the fear of losing me to something I once believed I could control. I will not put them through that again. And more importantly, I will not put myself through that again. The only way to guarantee that is to remove all reservations and commit to a sober existence, no matter what life brings.
Reservations keep us trapped in the past. They allow us to romanticize the illusion that using is still an option. But today, I am choosing freedom. I am choosing clarity, peace, and a future I can be proud of. Relapse is never an accident—it is a choice. And I am making the choice today to never look back.